bittersweethope (bittersweethope) wrote in queer_weddings,

so i know this isn't massively wedding related, but this is the only place i feel i can really vent right now where there are people who REALLY understand my issues.

i swallowed my pride, i wound up my courage and i asked my crazy uber-christian-when-it-suits-her mother if she and my stepfather would be able to financially help us with the wedding.

i should have known; i did know, i chose to ignore and be hopeful; how it would go. i asked and she says, umm... yeah... well.... about that.... this is hard... umm... well... you see, since i don't see this as a real wedding, even though i know it is to you, it isn't to me, and i don't know how he feels about it. we don't actually talk about it at all. so well, i don't know.

then she goes on to ask how much. a fine question. but my original ask of 5000 went right out the window. she gave my sister 5000, i thought it would be fair. she should have money saved for me. just for this. she was in a car accident with a semi truck that gave her a VERY nice settlement, so she gave my sister 5000 for her wedding, my brother 5000 to spend on his band and music and me, nothing. i didn't even know they had settled until my sister told me.

so needless to say i was hurt. i said fine, whatever. call me when you guys decide. and hang up. but she isn't done apparently. she starts texting me! about how much my dad is helping and my fiances mom (who is ancient and on disability and is still wanting to help AND accepts us 100%) is helping. so i got a bit snippy back and told her i didn't see why it was important how much everyone else was helping and that i wasn't asking for anymore than they helped my sister. so she tells me i'm being rude! and then we continue to have this HUGE conversation via TEXT MESSAGES all night. the only good thing that came out of it is that i have FINALLY stood up to her and told her exactly how she makes me feel and let her know she could not guilt trip me.

i am so upset right now. i just want to cry. she had me in tears in the middle of target because of this phone conversation. i want to tell her to just fuck off, i don't want or need her money or her presence at my very real wedding.
but without her help, we have no money. we are trying to save, but it isn't goint great. we only have about 300 saved and the wedding is in august. (hunny's mom wants to help, but lives off of 400 a month, so she can't really do much, and my dad is taking us and my sister and her husband to vegas in may, pays for my car and my insurance because i haven't really been able to, without throwing it in my face EVER, and is constantly doing, buying, and in general being there for me so much that i don't feel right asking him for much more help than can you help me print these or hook my up with some deals)

the whole situation makes me so angry. i am even thinking, fuck it all. who really needs the beautiful wedding they've been planning for years. we'll wear cheap sundresses and ask my dad to cook. we'll invite even less people then we already are (35 invites total). hell, why even go to the beach where i've been envisioning my wedding for as long as i can remember, we can just stay in town and have it in someone's backyard! postcards for invites, no attendees, no honeymoon, no rings.

and I HATE that she has the power to push my thoughts that way. I WANT MY WEDDING.

i want my beautiful white dress. i want her there, supporting me and HAPPY for me. i want rings and flowers. i want my friends and family there. i want it to be perfect.

but it isn't the way SHE wants it. so she is going to do her best to make this a miserable experience for me.

when i told her about the engagement she said, 'isn't that illegal?' and 'when is this going to happen?' and LOTS of awkward silence. when i told her i was bi she said, 'just remember what is says in the Bible...'
i knew she would try and ruin this.
and now i'm letting her.
i hate the effect and influence parents can hold over people.

i have nothing to add about planning. except that without a solid budget it is next to impossible to do much. david's bridal is have a $99 sale in march. so hopefully we can find and buy our dresses.
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