squirrel_nutkin (squirrel_nutkin) wrote in queer_weddings,


Ok, not really looking for any advice (although I'm not going to turn it down if it's offered!), I just need an impartial place to rant.

We're plaaning on getting married June 21st 2008. It's a Saturday. In June. Venues are going to be snapped up quickly, so I want to book asap, but we have NO idea how big our wedding is going to be. The guest list as it stands is in 3 groups. Groups 1 is the people we absolutely HAVE to invite. It's standing at over 150 people, due to obligatory invites and family shit. Seriously, we only have about 5 friends (+1's) on there. We're hoping to do he Group 2 wedding, which has about 250 on there, and it's the one that we would really like to do, but even then, we have no idea how many people to expect. A lot of my family live in the UK, and I don't know how many of them will be able to travel, and on top of that, I'm hearing from my mother that initial reactions on her side of the family in regards to it being a gay wedding, are not good, and that a few of my closest relatives are talking about not coming. I don't really care if they come or not, it's our day, and if they want to miss it, that's their problem, and quite frankly, if they are not happy for us, I don't want their negative energy bringing a dark cloud over our wedding! So to get a vague idea, we're sending out Engagement Notices, with enclosed response forms indicating whether people would love to come, won't come because of the gay thing, or don't think they'll be able to travel. It's all very tastefully worded, and veyr personal. This was a great idea when we wrote the things 3 weeks ago, but my FH, who is a graphics designer and is doing all our stationary, STILL hasn't done anything about them, so now I'm getting worried that we're leaving it too late and it's not going to matter because we won't be able to get a venue when we want it anyway.

Ok, that was end of part one of the rant. Part two:

Venue/Budget. Ich, where to begin. I figure we can put away $X in the next 15 months, and my mother is offering $Y towards the wedding. FH's parents are being so non commital. They've told us they'll help, which is fantastic, and I love them dearly and greatly appreciate it, but they refuse to say a dollar amount and keep saying, "let's see what the options are" and things like that. Anway, I had basically made up my mind that we would not be able to afford a Hotel wedding, the food is just going to make it too expensive, and that we would use a community hall, hire caterers etc. Today one of the hotels that we were REALLY interested in before we started doing budgeting, had a small wedding fair and open house. FH's mother persuaded us to go check it out. We spent a long time with one of their event consultants, and took a tour of their guestrooms (including the wedding suite!), and over the course of the afternoon, FMiL got us really excited about this place, and we began to actually think it might be not just possible, but plausible. SO. On the drive home I asked FH how much he thought we would be able to get his parents to contribute. We got home, and did the math, and realistically, unless we DRASTICALLY cut the guest list, there is NO WAY we can afford this place.

I really wish we hadn't gone to this thing today. FH keeps saying "Well it was good to see what they offer" and stuff like that. The problem is, what this place has to offer is basically my idea of The Dream Wedding, it's what I would want to do if money were no object. So now, instead of being where I was last week, and saying, well, "we probably can't afford a hotel, we'll do a hall wedding, on that budget we can have the perfect wedding for us", I'm now sitting here feeling like I'm settling for a hall wedding, and that I'm being denied the dream hotel wedding that I saw the potential for today.

I don't wanna sound like a whiny bridezilla, although I'm sure that's how this comes across, but as I said, I just needed to vent for a while.

x-posted to a few wedding comms and my own journal
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